Develop a reputation for taking feedback reall really well to get more and better feedback

I’ve been doing a little mini-series on feedback. How to give feedback graciously. What to do when great work gets drowned in enthusiastic feedback. How to look at feedback as a gift and manage your emotions when you’re scared of what you might hear. 

A lot of people tell me they have an altogether different problem. They don’t get enough feedback. There are lots of reasons people experience this: 

• People are uncomfortable giving feedback
• Managers don’t understand this is an essential part of their job and just don’t do it
• High performers receive the lowest quality feedback (go figure!) 
• Women tend to get less actionable feedback then men 
• People in positions of power get less feedback both because of the power differential and because fewer people around them have the experience necessary to be helpful. (This is why third party executive coaching gets popular as you move up the food chain.) 

So if you’re bought in and you want more feedback, because you know it  makes you and whatever you’re doing or building better, what can you do? Here’s the first thing you can do and it takes some time, so start now. 

Develop a reputation for being really good at receiving feedback.

When I was in my thirties I realized that I scared a lot of people. Partly because I was sometimes a jerk, and partly because I just had an air of intelligence and confidence. (Family, please stop laughing about the time I poured the turkey stock right through the colander and down the drain. I'm talking about work here.) As I was saying, an air of competence that made people figure I didn’t need or want feedback because I had my shit together. 

So I set out change that. Not being a jerk wasn’t enough. I had to set my mind to make my default reaction to feedback one of curiosity. Even if I thought what I was hearing was just plain wrong, I started by asking questions, and looking at the feedback from multiple angles. Sometimes what you initially hear is truly wrong, but when you dig there’s a nugget of truth behind it that the giver is having a hard time articulating. 

Here’s an example. Let’s say you manage a help desk and someone tells you, “the help desk is useless.” Well that’s a pretty broad statement and kind of rude but let’s see what’s behind it. 

You: Tell me more. 

Coworker: Every time I call they just tell me to restart my computer.

You: That does fix some problems. Does it ever fix yours? 

Coworker: Well, sometimes, but if it doesn’t I have to call back and start all over. 

You: What do you mean, start over? 

Coworker: Well, they make me open a new ticket and explain everything all over again. 

You: Huh, they’re not supposed to close a ticket until the issue is resolved, but what you’re seeing is that they close the ticket when they tell you to reboot? 

Coworker: Yes! And then I have to start all over ten minutes later with someone else. 

So now, you’ve gotten something useful! The team isn’t following the process you wanted, which is to leave a ticket open until it’s closed. Maybe that’s because you didn’t document it that way. Maybe they’re getting measured on time to resolve a ticket. It could be any of a number of things. But now you’ve learned something and you can use to improve. And you’ve strengthened a relationship. Compare that script to this one: 

Coworker: The help desk is useless.

You: No, it’s not. Our KPI’s are world class. 

Well, that kind of shut things down, didn’t it! When you train your brain that the reaction to any feedback is a question, you create a healthy short circuit, instead of instantly becoming defensive, which is all too easy to do. And it buys you time to really think about the feedback and process it while you learn more. 

There’s an evil genius bonus to this, I’ll admit. On more than one occasion when someone complained about me to my boss, my boss countered with, “Have you talked to Nadya about this? I’ve always found she takes feedback really well.” And the complainers would always concede that was true. Even the people that I tended to have friction with knew I was always truly open to hearing what I could improve.  That made my boss's job easier and mine, too.

Your Dot Release: The next time someone gives you feedback ask at least three questions before you pass any judgement on it. Doing that will help settle your nervous system and give you valuable data. And it will be a great step towards building a reputation for taking feedback really really well. 

Release Notes: On Thursday, May 15 from 5 to 7, Kathryn Latham and I will be leading a free speed bragging networking event as part of Portland Startup Week. We’d love to see you there. 

The Brag Better! Session at the Metro Innovation Hub a couple of weeks ago was a blast. They told me it was the biggest turnout they’d ever had for an event! I’ve posted the slides and a one-page handout that has prompts to help you tell you your story. Feel free to use any of that for your own individual prep or for a group brag lunch or workshop. 

I’ve also started executive coaching and helping people with interview preparation. If that’s something you’re interested in,  I’m happy to schedule time to talk to see if I can be of help. 

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